New Year's 50/50

Sunday, January 2, 2011 7:00 am

The brainchild of Scottie D., and nearly his unravelling in last year's inaugural edition. Nobody deserves this. Personally, I was so deep in the hurt locker last year, I didn't thaw out for about 2-3 days. Attrition rate was approximately 70%. Got me a nifty bottle opener for completing the assignment (and just used it seconds ago).

If your name is Brad "the Snowman" Trans-I-owalter, you probably need this meager level of suffering. If your excuse out includes the phrase "I haven't been riding...", save it. If you have scheduled a colonoscopy immediately before or after, shame on you. For the rest of you, lemme 'splain how this works: The goal is to cram 100 miles of cycling, divided into the referenced formats, in to one of the shortest (and coldest) days of the year. If you are lucky there will be a bowl of soup and a cup of coffee in between. If you are real lucky they will be warm. Useful daylight is estimated at 10 hours, 7am to 5 pm. That equals 10 mph, including stops. Everything else is bonus time (or night riding). In that vain, the ride proceeds with much haste, and without dilly dally. It is always advisable to stay near the front. As it helps keep the pace rather spirited, poaching is encouraged. Some 50/30, 30/50, 30/30, just 30 and just 50 groups may form. 30 miles is about 50 kilos and so we'll let it slide. Thus, you, cracker jack cyclist, can notch your musket with the ole' 50/50.

A few big questions:

Who will keep the co-ed classification alive?
Who will go DNS out of the gate this year, Metro, or No-Showalter (or both)?
Who will bring Scottie D in?
Who will finish the secret Stage 3?
Who will host?

We will narrow the details in the coming weeks. Meanwhile...I leave you with LAST YEAR's tutorial on how you work this out on the home front. (Note some minor details have changed).


Sir Tony Brown sets the tempo in the road stage of the 1976 edition of the New Year's 50/50

Where cycling fails...

...skydiving succeeds!

(3 minutes well spent!)

Here to Lay Pipe.

Mtn Foz rides virtual brown jersey to victory!

To live all three days you must be there all three days, and those who made it happen were not disappointed. Chad handily took the stage & the mustache to jump out to a commanding 3 minute lead as drunken debacle of a prologue Friday night paved the way for the Saturday ITT. After Chad abandon the brown jersey Saturday morning, Metro rode the virtual brown to a stage victory, edging out TB by a scant 20 seconds, and Foster by a mere 10 more. Scottie D. abandoned under suspicious circumstances, and was therefore a non-factor, giving rise to rumors that he may have failed doping control. Metro took an apparent GC lead going into Sunday's road event. However, a bit of a scoring error Saturday night had erroneously given the jersey to Metro, when it was Foster with a narrow 11 second GC margin over the bearded messiah. Where beer & a pencil had failed, coffee and the laptop picked up the slack.

Day 3 thing got right interesting, as Metro texted in his early abandonment just as Chad & Scottie had before him. It seemed like wrapping up Biketoberfest down at the Mega Bike Mart was a little more important than having your name tattooed on the human trophy what is Browntown glory. Thus it was Foster riding Day 3 in virtual brown, with Winborne a couple of minutes behind, and Peter in third. Christan & Foghorn rounded out the GC, and Frank & Jeremy offered neutral support.

Protest by local farmers in the first kilometer saw the narrow country road clogged with farm implements, diesel duallies and flat bed trailers. Riders snaked through to the first gravel section and started to size each other up. Frank went out early with a flat. Each successive hill and headwind offered the opportunity to shed another drafter. With a final few swigs of Browntown Brown Ale in the water bottle, Foghorn used home course advantage & knowledge to continually attack the hills, wind sections and gravel roads to shed all chasers to a solo victory. Winborne rode the wheel nobly (on a mountain bike) but finally cracked inside the 15K banner, and was overtaken by a late charging Foster inside 5K for runner up & the overall win.



As always, a huge thanks to people like Amy & Shannon Black and Amy Waters, for allowing us to crash their pads. Pibby donated prizes of marginal all the way up to substantial value. And thanks to everyone else who brought a little something to contribute to the party. Last but not least, Foster & Jeremy brewed the beer, so raise a pint to those guys.

Hurricane Warning! The Yin & Yang of cycling.

There is a storm brewing over on Velominati (incidentally, if you haven't been there, go there, they do it up right - learn to live the rules, speak the lexicon. but I digress...). It is kind of like a high pressure system in the southeast Atlantic, just hangin' out down in the corner of the picture, ain't bothering nobody, not a significant concern at this time, but the potential to wreak havoc is immense.
It all started out (and doesn't it always) with some bashing of the idea that utilizing a Garmin cycling computer is for the complete wanker. Well, you know Foghorn took that right personal, cause he do love his Garmin. "whaddarya gonna get lost or something?" I believe was the quote. I have heard this before and let it slide. But since the Velominati is not just about riding well, it is about doing it with the utmost style and reverence towards the history of the sport, i had to jump in. (Not that the Garmin has anything to do with the history...but again, I digress.) I simply pointed out that not all Garmin models provide turn-by-turn directions, ala that hideous thing in my mom's car, and that they are all about style since there are no wires, no sensors, no transmitters, and can be stem-mounted, all per per rule #74. They also provide insanely accurate data, are transferable from bike to bike, and require no calibration. Well, Frank, apparent host of the site, was willing to hear the argument, but kindly pointed out there is an competing effort to ban computers altogether, "full stop" to quote the man. He was going to post a piece in the near future, and let the in-fighting begin amongst the peloton.
We'll see how that plays out soon, but there is a bigger picture here. Yin or Yang? Neo or Retro? Can the two exist harmoniously, on the same bike, even? For example, up until a few weeks ago, I rolled out regular on a '98 Bianchi, lugged steel frame, in the classic Celeste paint job, with down tube shifters, and leather saddle. Classically Retro. However, those down tube shifters were 9 speed SIS Dura-Ace, and the bike also sported a carbon fork, ergo 3 bend handle bars, threadless headset, GXP bottom bracket, deep section rims, as well as aforementioned Garmin. Definitely Neo.

So, is it better to be the fastest guy in the group, relying on carbon this and titanium that, or does a real hardman "run what he brung", and ride the wheel of the techno-weenie in his 7-eleven kit on a 23 pound, 14 speed Peugeot circa 1972, with toe clips, cottered cranks, and and a rat's nest of brake cables spewing from the hoods?

It is the Lance Armstrong or Bob Roll conundrum.

Foghorn Blows Up Commuter Course Record - Almost!

Well it all started last Friday morning, I'm a bit late getting out of the house on the bike and I am on the newly built up Ti Motobecane, which is sweet! So I am about a mile in and I'm going through this tunnel of foliage, so to speak, and it's pretty damn dark in there (keep in mind this is before 7 am), when I hear that diesel (not Scottie D.) downshifting behind me and I know it is that thing I dread the most 9 months out of the year, the friggin' school bus. Now I've been through this before and this is why I am ultra anal about getting out of the house on time, once you get behind that school bus you are super-fucked, cause it's illegal to pass that thing when it's stopped (you know I hold the law in the highest regard), and even if you do get around, it is this pass and be passed thing that goes on forever. So I know the bus is trying to pass me, I am in a dark hole and I know the edge of the road is rough as hell, and I can see the kids at the next stop about 100 yards ahead. So I'm not getting over, in fact I'm moving to the center of the road and I decide it's time to try out this 53x11 gear I've got which I really have yet to use. next thing I know the school bus has dropped out of the rear view and I'm haulin' ass, well for me, anyway. I'm keeping an eye on the average speed and I start to notice that this is looking like my fastest commute to date. I get to the gravel section of my ride and I'm hitting like 19.9 mph average and this is looking pretty good. Dropping down the gravel and back up the little lung busting climb my average is 20.2 coming over the top on to the flat. It's hard to get back up to speed on that gravel, so I roll into the shop at 19.8 mph average & 32 minutes flat, still almost 2 mph & 2 minutes better than my fastest commute.

Flash forward to this morning, the bus did not threaten, and I hit the gravel road & notice that the rain over the weekend has provided some nice smooth, packed clay lines, and I am at 20.2 average and feeling Friday's numbers are in serious jeopardy. Well about the time I am thinking that I should be looking at the road and not at the computer, I hit a little bump with the rear tire and hear: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSSSST!

That ain't no bump, that's a rock and I gots me some flat tire. Damn!

I change it all out and get to work still like 35 mins early, and the record stands for another day, at least.

The SM100 2010 is in the books! A fine & dusty event. The weather was beautiful. Chilly starting temps in the 40's gave way to sunny skies and mid-70's. I had a great ride and left plenty of room for improvement in 2011. Twelve hours even, shaving a pitiful ten minutes off last years misery. Felt pretty good all day, even when getting skunked by chicks, singlespeeds, chicks on singlespeeds, tandems, the guy with the prostethic leg, 15 year old kids, etc. Chapeau to all of them!

For me, 11 hours was the cutoff between finishing and surviving. So I survived to ride another year. I have a laundry list of excuses, which I am saving for next year!

The River City was well represented. Scottie D. nailed it with at 10:10, one spot off the podio. T. Green had good time. Joe Fish was, well, Joe Fish. Chad, Jeremy, myself, Foster, Big Leeger, Metro & Spike all trickled in before dark. I took advantage of my friends wherever I could. Dennis Throckmorton, got your shoes off at the aid station? Foghorn attacks. Foster, pants down in the woods? Foghorn attacks.

Also huge props to the volunteer corps, without which, Chris Scott may have to get a legitimate job. Peter was there in the morning, and Amy Waters snapped the photo above of me eating pizza at mile 75/hour 9.5. Good thing she was there, cause I was right clueless at that point.

In the end, an elite selection finished Stage 2, polishing off the kegs and moving into the emergency stash after the midnight hour.