UPDATED: Ferry-Roubaix is April 17

Update: Puxatawney Phil has cracked! Roubaix weather has returned!

Twenty days out & counting. Two course recon/route marking/preriding missions in the bag, and two flat tyres are already up on the board. A bonus point has been added for one rider going ass-over-tea kettle on Ware Creek Road. Priceless! Fortunately, to a soft, sandy, leafy landing. Keep that thing between the ditches, yo!

So the score is Swamp Fox: 3, Peloton: 0, if you are keeping track of that sort of thing.

We have already received preregistration commitments from some notable rookies and potential contenders, as well as the usual lot of surly, wily and drunken veterans. Accordingly, we have petitioned UCI (Underground Cycling Internationale) and waived the team kit penalty, and the matching kit penalty and, oh what the hell, the matching team kit double penalty has been waived as well. All that being said, keep the attire proper people. Your Jelly Belly jersey with those Maipei bibs simply will not fly here. When in doubt, black on black with black trim is timeless and understated. If you look like Vader you will ride like Vader. That is, Jedi... straight outta the dark side.

While we are on the subject of protocol, I did mention this is run on 99% publicly owned and open roads, right? The route is rural as all hell, but there are a few unavoidable stretches of Route 10, Route 30, Route 60 and Route 155, that can be a bit hairy, particularly after the 100 mile marker. Also the left hand shoulder always seems pretty comfy on these gravel roads, particularly when the road kinda bends to the left. Bubba would like nothing more than a carbon fiber hood ornament for Easter this year. Hold yer line, know yer rights and responsibilities, and signal yer intentions and everything will be just hunky-dory. Remember, no matter how much you think people like you, nobody cares about you as much as you do.

Still looking for our first female starter...

Several of you have contacted me and said: "Do I have the legs, can I try this?"

Master Yoda provides your answer: "Do or do not, there is no try." All I can tell you is when the going gets tough, and the road gets rough, you are out on course alone and don't know if you are 10 minutes up or 20 minutes back, and no matter how many times you wipe it off there is perpetually a droplet of low-viscosity snot hanging from your nose, and every sip of air is like inhaling sulfuric acid, and you don't know when the last time was you actually saw one of those ?????-colored arrows - are you gonna reach down and grab that bidon full of courage, take a big-ass gulp and stand up on the pedals, or are you gonna stop, unwrap your pasty power bar of shame, and wait on the roadside to pile up in the broom truck?

Your call, young Skywalker, your call...

Mtn Foz is all smiles moments after experiencing a disturbance in the force, while

Scottie D. strictly enforces the no whining rule.

Ferry-Roubaix 2011 is April 17!

Oh yes, Oh yes, Oh yes! Spring has sprung and Puxatawney Phil has gone solo off the front! Once again we find it is time for the annual two wheeled wander through the Shires of Kent and Surrey and York, the Counties of Prince George and King James and King Charles, The Burg of King William and his queen Mary. This year's event pits Team Hard-ass against Team Dumb-ass, and who is unwittingly riding for whom has yet to be determined. After 3 years of deliberation, we have received our provisional status as an instant classic from UCI (Underground Cycling Internationale). Race radios will be neither banned nor approved.

Over the past few years, riders have reached out and said "Foghorn: we want more gravel! Foghorn: we want more distance!" This year, Foghorn responds with the Third Annual. The Swamp Fox Edition. Five gravel sections, an even 200 kilometers and one boat ride. It will be 140k of civilized riding and 60k of cut throat cycling. Plus a new finishing route previously known only to the Fox.

If you have not ridden F-R before it is every bit in the spirit of the Spring Classics. Each year we push the distance a little further, and ride surfaces that are a little rougher. The lines between ride & race, between friend & foe, between tough & stupid, between road & off-road all become blurred as man & machine are stretched to their limits. Along the way, we tackle the Benjamin Harrison Bridge, the Jamestown Ferry, the Colonial Parkway, Aromas Coffee Shop, York River State Park and the gravel backroads of the Chickahominy Swamp. These are the landmarks that threaten to test & tempt the steel & muscle, the nerve & resolve, the lungs & legs of those who dare traverse the boundary. When hurt is the only thing that will ease the pain, that is Ferry-Roubaix.

A select field of veterans and capable rookies has been chosen. Meanwhile doubt, remorse and questions loom large and last years debts must be repaid in misery and suffering. Without G. Hincraftie in his pocket this year, who will bring last year's champion Scottie D. to the line? Will the Brown Jersey make a showing? Will Foghorn be able to move up the podio on home turf? Will the peloton ever reach double digits? Will Big Frank work a double shift in the morning and take the afternoon off? Can Metro stay on course? Will the girls of Aye Eta Pi sorority house be out for coffee? A few have the guns to go the distance, while the rest just may be too stupid to know the difference.

There are but three rules: No Registration, No Waiver and No Whining. As usual, Scottie D. will be enforcing.

We will make every effort to scare up some sag support, but ultimately you need to be responsible for yourself. If you would like to volunteer someone, send 'em my way. Obviously, this is on open roads and all due care should be taken. Safety first, kids. The route is 100% legal and property of the Commonwealth. There will be plenty of feed stops along the way. Come prepared for anything & everything. Minimum 25c tyres recommended, especially if you are still "a couple months out from racing weight." I do not get paid to promote a brand or product, but Continental Gatorskin Pros work quite well. Otherwise, bring a spare tube, and a backup for that, plus one extra.

See the proposed route here

Sunday April 17, 2011
5443 Ridgewood Drive New Kent, VA
We roll at 8:30, if you are late you can chase in the sag wagon
preride breakfast served until about 7:45
no specific post ride festivities are planned, but pizza is just a phone call away
your unofficial race flyer is attached

Strade Quintonia

It started out as as brilliant scheme not to have to drive anywhere this weekend. Grab a couple of hammer heads and show them the best (and worst) of what New Kent cycling had to offer. In the spirit of the Spring Classics, 80 miles with 10-12 unpaved sections should do the trick quite nicely, I surmised. I had seen VDOT out earlier in the week "improving" the local gravels, so I new it would be a bike handler's wet dream out there this weekend. I'd been trying to lure T. (not team) Green out this way for a while, and I thought for sure he had taken the bait and I had him on the hook this time. Scottie D., as always, was in, and typically has an influential way with the Green. I considered expanding the group of invitees but then realized that some of these routes aren't exactly public, and a few amount to downright blatant trespassing. Keeps the blood flowing, I say, but a string of potential stragglers would be a liability.

Well right out of the gate practically, I knew this day would be one best forgotten. Mile 6 saw us onto a short 1 km section of soft clay, and boom, Scottie has dropped out of the rear view right away. A little heavy over the rear wheel, that one is. Founding him digging mud out of his tires, in what will one day be some retirees front yard. Coupla' miles later we are on the gravels of Criss Cross and boom again, Scottie has a puncture. And by puncture I mean "catastrophic sidewall tear." Apparently, this only cost one dollar to repair, which I begrudgingly surrendered in order to salvage any sort of ride for the day. By this time dude has no spare tubes, no CO2, and very little patience for the antics of one F.Leghorn. I thought the whole ride might be in the gutter, but he is convinced to go further. Now we come upon Section #3, Shooters Run. As the name implies, not exactly the type of place you want to go mechanical. Hell it is not even a public road. I inhale a wasp and hit the first climb in the big ring, but Scottie D wont play. The gravel just gets deeper and the road gets narrower. We regroup in the flat and I inhale a hornet and hit the second climb. Again, no Scottie. We regroup again on Clarke and there is a bit of a chance to recover. That is until Scottie gets a dog on. I peek over my shoulder and its a like war of attrition back there. Wheezing, coughing, matching black kits with grey whiskers, I thought I was being chased by Scottie and his better looking canine twin!

This goes on for a couple more hours, I throw in a half-hearted attack, Scottie declines to counter or even ignores me altogether. I can definitely sense he is hearing the banjos when we pull in for a little lunch. My offer for another loop is quickly dismissed, however, mention of cold beer in my garage gets the old twinkle back into Scottie's eye. I opt for another pass at Criss Cross, then the quickest, hilliest, busiest & most direct route home to finish him off.





Scottie D. hears the banjos as he tops out on the fresh gravel of Criss Cross Road.