Twenty days out & counting. Two course recon/route marking/preriding missions in the bag, and two flat tyres are already up on the board. A bonus point has been added for one rider going ass-over-tea kettle on Ware Creek Road. Priceless! Fortunately, to a soft, sandy, leafy landing. Keep that thing between the ditches, yo!
So the score is Swamp Fox: 3, Peloton: 0, if you are keeping track of that sort of thing.
We have already received preregistration commitments from some notable rookies and potential contenders, as well as the usual lot of surly, wily and drunken veterans. Accordingly, we have petitioned UCI (Underground Cycling Internationale) and waived the team kit penalty, and the matching kit penalty and, oh what the hell, the matching team kit double penalty has been waived as well. All that being said, keep the attire proper people. Your Jelly Belly jersey with those Maipei bibs simply will not fly here. When in doubt, black on black with black trim is timeless and understated. If you look like Vader you will ride like Vader. That is, Jedi... straight outta the dark side.
While we are on the subject of protocol, I did mention this is run on 99% publicly owned and open roads, right? The route is rural as all hell, but there are a few unavoidable stretches of Route 10, Route 30, Route 60 and Route 155, that can be a bit hairy, particularly after the 100 mile marker. Also the left hand shoulder always seems pretty comfy on these gravel roads, particularly when the road kinda bends to the left. Bubba would like nothing more than a carbon fiber hood ornament for Easter this year. Hold yer line, know yer rights and responsibilities, and signal yer intentions and everything will be just hunky-dory. Remember, no matter how much you think people like you, nobody cares about you as much as you do.
Still looking for our first female starter...
Several of you have contacted me and said: "Do I have the legs, can I try this?"
Master Yoda provides your answer: "Do or do not, there is no try." All I can tell you is when the going gets tough, and the road gets rough, you are out on course alone and don't know if you are 10 minutes up or 20 minutes back, and no matter how many times you wipe it off there is perpetually a droplet of low-viscosity snot hanging from your nose, and every sip of air is like inhaling sulfuric acid, and you don't know when the last time was you actually saw one of those ?????-colored arrows - are you gonna reach down and grab that bidon full of courage, take a big-ass gulp and stand up on the pedals, or are you gonna stop, unwrap your pasty power bar of shame, and wait on the roadside to pile up in the broom truck?
Your call, young Skywalker, your call...
Your call, young Skywalker, your call...
Mtn Foz is all smiles moments after experiencing a disturbance in the force, while
Scottie D. strictly enforces the no whining rule.
You had me at "Maipei bibs". Let me do some digging.
ReplyDeleteMake sure they fit, no camel toes.
ReplyDelete